May
14
2009
2

Grandparents

Grandmothers’ Day was celebrated last month for the first time. The idea was conceived by Darina Allen of Ballmaloe Cookery School fame. She has six grandchildren. The purpose of the day was to promote a celebration of grandparents and to remember skills which are in danger of being lost.

Quoting from Darina Allen

‘Today (April 25th) we celebrate the first Slow Food Grandmothers Day. All over Ireland and many parts of the world grandmothers and indeed grandfathers will gather their grandchildren around to share their memories and experience and to pass on some of their valuable life skills, to have fun and show them how to bake a cake, catch a fish and sow a seed… Grandparents are the guardians of inherited wisdom – this is a perfect opportunity to pass these forgotten skills on to our grandchildren.’

When one marries, one marries an individual. One doesn’t marry a family. A nice set of in-laws is not a necessity but always a bonus. I married a lovely man in 1987. (Though a recent comment he, Den15 left on one of Tommy’s blogposts, reveals ‘blogging’ will soon be listed as a major cause of stress within a marriage!)

When I got married, I inherited really lovely parents-in-law. I can’t think of nicer parents-in-law to have been gifted with. To this day I regret that they both died so early in our married life, my father-in-law in 1992 and mother-in-law died quickly afterwards in 1994. My mother-in-law Maura was one of life’s true ladies. She came from Scariff, Co. Clare. She had many interests – nature and craft work to mention a few. Paddy was a gentleman in every sense of the meaning of that word. I always felt warmly welcomed by them into their family. They would sit and really talk to people who visited. They had a genuine interest in people.

Tommy wasn’t born by the time Paddy died and was only four months old when Maura died. When Patrick and John were born, Maura made beautiful cards for them, which I framed. She hadn’t yet made Tommy’s before she died.

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These cards were made with fabric on which she had embroidered a red haired baby for Patrick’s card and a long black haired baby for John’s. (John was born badly needing a hair cut!). Patrick’s card had the caption ‘Táimse im’ ċodlaḋ ’sná dúistear mé’ translating, ‘I’m asleep, don’t waken me’. (Still suitable for a 20 year old!) On the back of Patrick’s card Maura wrote out the lines of ‘A Cradle Song’ by Padraic Colum. On John’s she wrote ‘Suantraí don Fear Beag Nua’ (lullaby for the small new man) by Padraic Pearse.

My children were impoverished by not having them around as they grew up. I know they would have got great value from each other. Below are photos of Patrick sowing potatoes with his grandfather. (See, Patrick could have been a farmer!).

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Paddy and Maura lived in Moneygall, Co. Offaly. They would have so enjoyed Moneygall’s recent claim to fame – Barack Obama’s ancestors came from their village.

I feel it’s such a pity that as we go through life, we have to part with people who mean a lot to us!

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Written by Lily in: My family and ... other animals |
May
11
2009
2

Flying

Patrick and John learned to fly last Summer in Vancouver. I was very afraid that they were learning to fly. I was very afraid that anything would happen to them. However I never once tried to stop them.

At this stage I can recognise when I’m unlikely to win.

Last September I spent a great week with Patrick in Vancouver. Patrick was at the final stages of his pilot’s licence and was all organised to take me up flying. I was scared, but with much ‘power of positive thinking’ and all that, I was bracing myself. Yes I would go up with him in the tin can, aka small plane.

The week went on, Patrick took his mock exam, all was perfect. Day of real exam came. Consternation, radio licence and medical cert could not be found. Though they said otherwise, Patrick and Brian (friend with whom he shared apartment), blamed me. Not overtly but I knew they felt I had ‘mislaid’ them as I tidied away some stuff. I protested (to deaf ears). No exam, no flight possible for Mum.

Very relieved Mum.

Paperwork later turned up at airport, but only after I was safely back in Ireland!

I referred to this essay which John wrote a few weeks ago. It really explains his love of flying.

The perfect place is a bit of a cliche. We all expect it to be a quiet, lonely refuge. A haunt where we can escape from the stresses of modern life by immersing ourselves in nature and isolation. A secret place, which nobody else knows. I refuse to take part in this stereotype. My place is noisy – so noisy, in fact, that local residents have been known to complain. It smells of various flammable chemicals (avgas, diesel, oil), which are wafted and spread by the fuel truck which trundles by at regular intervals. It is unsafe – you’re far more likely to have an accident here than in any tranquil meadow. It’s busy – everyone has an agenda; and the air is full of constant hurried dialogue. My refuge is an airport.

Not of course, Dublin Airport or anything like that. No, I spent a large chunk of time last summer flying small planes at a quiet general aviation spot called Boundary Bay Airport in British Columbia, Canada, (or CZBB as we affectionately called it). In theory, it shouldn’t be relaxing. The constant over-and-back of the ATC channel rings through your ears as you fill out flight plan forms. Out on the apron, you have to keep your wits about you to avoid being run over by that guy in the Piper Seneca. In the air, you have to avoid infringing five different airspaces and keep well out of the way of the business jets and King Air turboprops. Yes, an airport definitely should not be relaxing. But it is.

When you enter the main building, you are met with a hive of activity. Students are chasing after instructors, families are waiting to go up for the first time, receptionists are fighting a losing battle against an eager phonebank and mechanics are rushing by looking for people and parts. A radio sits on the desk, tuned to the fuel frequency, “Bay Fuel, this is Sealand Echo Mike Lima requesting full tanks, over”. This chatter is a reassuring sound. You fill out a flight plan form and file it with the national transport agency. If you don’t return after your intended time, they’ll start worrying about you. That’s one of the reasons this is the perfect place – everybody’s looking out for you – the transport agency, the air traffic control (ATC), the flying club, even fellow pilots. It’s a close-knit community where care and compassion are key.

You walk out onto the apron. The image in front of you – rows and rows of small planes resting neatly in place – reminds you of Spitfires on a grass strip in World War II. The fueller is filling you up and you salute him. He finishes and trundles on his merry way. Time for the pre-flight inspection – you must personally ensure the craft is airworthy before flight. You run your hands over the wings – your searching caress is ensuring there are no nicks or dents. You take a fuel sample from the tanks to examine it for sediment. Holding it up to the sunlight, the bright blue nonviscous liquid glistens like a Caribbean sea in a travel brochure. You open the engine cowling and check the oil level – because aeroplane engines working at full capacity constantly they use oil at a much faster rate than cars. You stomp on the tyres, ensuring full pressure. Runways are generally not potholed so this is seldom a problem! Satisfied that the craft won’t fall out of the sky (at least, not without provocation), you climb in.

This is where the freedom truly begins. Sitting in that seat, feet resting in anticipation on the pedals, the world’s your oyster. Well, anywhere within a 400 nautical mile radius. You sigh contentedly, and look at your instruments. The dashboard clock ticks on, urging you to act. The small plane representing your angle on the attitude indicator mocks your hesitancy. You sigh once more, plug in your headset and begin to speak: “Bay Ground, this is Cessna 152 Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. On apron requesting taxi for local east departure”. “Whisky Tango Foxtrot, set altimeter 29.95, taxi via echo for departure on two-five”. That patter is music to your ears. You turn the keys and the propeller comes to life with a throaty splutter. Creeping along the scenic taxiway Echo, you take in the Search and Rescue helicopter, the World War Two-era former Royal Canadian Air Force hangar, the mechanics resuscitating a vintage P-51. Caught up in your thoughts, you’re in the queue for the runway before you know it.

Butterflies set in now – not from nervousness, but anticipation. These butterflies want to be set free. The three planes ahead of you squeeze out whenever there’s a gap in the sequence of planes landing. Soon, it’s your turn. Your feet on the brakes, you hold just short of the yellow line that separates the taxiway from the runway. You’re waiting for the call; the blessing from the man in the tower. A Citation Mustang lands, then a Diamond Katana, then a 182. The circuit’s busy today – will you ever get a chance. Right before self-pity can seep in, there’s a rush of static: “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, cleared for take-off on runway 25. No delay.” There’s no fear of a delay anyway. The message has barely ended and the brakes are off, throttle applied and you swing round the corner. Four thousand feet of tarmac lie ahead of you, and in these few short seconds, it’s all yours. The throttle goes in all the way, and you watch the airspeed indicator creep up. Thirty knots, forty, fifty knots! You increase backward pressure on the stick.

Despite being a major event, you never notice the take-off. You’re engrossed in speeds, angles and controls. Only when you feel safe do you lift your head and realize you’re one hundred feet off the ground. The next few minutes are comprised of stressful and delicate navigation of the airport’s only traffic artery. At five hundred feet, you turn parallel to the runway. At eight hundred you switch radio frequencies. At one thousand, you make another turn. You fiddle with instruments, knowing you’re almost liberated. As the flaps are coming up, the controller says what every pilot loves to hear, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, clear to the east. Have a nice day”. That’s it. You’re out of the airport, off his books. Before, you were following a pattern to leave the airfield safely. Now, you can go where you like. The sky is yours.

Things look different from the air. Motorways are narrow and slow. Houses are uniform and uninspired. Ships are like arrows in slow motion – their wake revealing their fixed unwavering determination in one direction. But more importantly, it alters your perspective. The road network portrays humans as a hustling, bustling mob, who never sit back and reflect on life that they are so focused on. You wonder why the natural beauty of the mountains and lakes is neglected by virtually all, who prefer to frequent the cinema, mall and racetrack. Of course, you were once like them. You once hustled and bustled. You came flying with a checklist of places you wanted to visit and overfly. But now, that list is long forgotten. You are a soaring eagle, and eagles don’t do sightseeing. You go where your emotions take you.

As the sun threatens to set, you realise it’s time to head back. You follow the earmarks, make a call to ATC and join the traffic circuit. The plane’s shadow appears long and distorted on the runway. You pull out the throttle at five hundred feet and the engine idles as you float down to ground. Just before impact, you flare to soften the landing. The wheels kiss the ground welcoming their trusted friend. You glance at the dashboard clock as you float along and realise that only an hour has passed since you entered the plane. Flying has the ability to distort time and stretch space. You forget your stresses, worries and fears. You find a hitherto-undiscovered freedom that comes with the ability to transverse all three dimensions. And as you step out of the plane and tie it down, you realise that the only thought in your head is when you can go up in the air again.

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Written by Lily in: My family and ... other animals |
May
09
2009
0

‘Tiaraless’

Sometimes one can be thankful there is a recession on. I’m reminded of this today because we are going to a nephew’s First Communion.

First Communions changed a bit in Celtic Tiger Ireland. I’m not going to describe the excesses. Suffice it to say that I hope with a little less cash, a little more sanity will prevail this First Communion season. It’s not that I’m at all religious. It’s just that I’m not into mini wedding ceremonies for 8-year-olds, with their attendant tiaras, stretch limos, helicopter rides. You get the drift.

I loved the boys’ First Communion, Confirmation days. Denis and I both come from large families. First Communions/Confirmations were without exception great get togethers at home for the big extended family. Lots of aunts, uncles, cousins gathered together for the day. For most of them we lived in Dromineer, in the country where we had a big garden. For whatever reason we never had wet days. The day was spent the adults chatting, the children playing.

Having grown up in a big family, cooking for big numbers was part of my rearing. So cooking for that many didn’t really pose a problem. I also had the help of a close family friend (of whom I recently spoke about being very ill, though thankfully now better). She and I cooked and talked for the week leading up to it.

Really the actual event was only an excuse for the families to get together. These days we are all very busy and spread out. Time marches on.

So today I am looking forward to another of these occasions. Yet again we will all have to fight for a place to sit down. We will have to balance a plate in one hand, a glass in another and try to sqeeze someone else in at an over-filled table. I woudn’t swap it.

Maybe why I’m really bothered about the excess – I just couldn’t get the boys to wear a tiara!

Written by Lily in: My family and ... other animals |
May
07
2009
5

Ode to … an Aga

We moved from Dromineer to Limerick almost four years ago and built a new house. One of the things I really wanted in this house was a range (stove). I had a range growing up, as had Denis. It really was the heart of our house. Ours was an ESSE. Denis’s home had a Stanley.

From day one, I fell in love with our Aga.

The Aga is like a ‘mother’ to us all. ‘She’ is there waiting for us all to arrive. There is a couch beside the Aga and we all like nothing better than sitting/stretching out there with a cuppa. Regularly we drag in extra chairs for us all to sit in front of it. Besides the major comfort factor, we also use it for cooking and airing clothes.

In fact we rarely leave the kitchen. We live our lives in this room.

I feel like the old woman in Padraic Colum’s ‘An old Woman of the roads’
‘O, to have a little house
To own the hearth and stool and all’

The Aga has to be serviced every year. An elderly man from Co. Limerick comes to do this. I ring to organise. He fits me in in to his busy schedule. However he has a system for prioritising whose house he will visit next. Old people get priority, as many old people live in poorly insulated houses where the range is the only source of heating and cooking. We are much lower down the pecking order. I like his system.

I learn a lot listening to him while he is having his cup of tea, when the job is complete. He describes the variations in Agas he visits. Some are as old as their owners, who are in receipt of the pension. Some are pristine clean, unused show pieces, in ‘Celtic Tiger’ houses. He has seen it all.

An auctioneer friend of ours told us that in selling houses, people sometimes want to take their own Aga with them. They won’t be parted, even if the buyers are wiling to pay extra for the Aga. I can fully understand them.

I don’t have a living parent. The Aga is now my mother.

Written by Lily in: My family and ... other animals |
May
05
2009
2

Ordinariness is extraordinary

I love ordinary days. I love days when nothing extraordinary happens. Ordinary days are what life is really made of. If one needs constant drama and excitement in one’s life then one will have a lot of disappointing days, because there are a lot of ordinary days, in my life anyhow. If I can get real enjoyment from the ordinary days, the special days can take care of themselves.

I often think of how much a person with a terminal illness would give for more ‘ordinary’ days. People with terminal illness have such a heightened awareness of the value of each single day.

There’s pleasure in dawn breaking. I love the early mornings when no one is up, because there’s a feeling of newness about the world, shiny newness. I feel like I own the world when I am up early. Those are really special hours. I inherited this love of early mornings from my mother.

I always regard people’s ordinary, normal humour as their ‘neutral gear’. What is your ‘neutral gear’? My father used to describe certain people (relations, neighbours) as ‘contrary’. For whatever reason he used to ascribe this description to women particularly! I now realise the truth in that description. Some people are naturally ‘awkward’ – if there’s no one to fight with – to be awkward with, they will almost fight with themselves. These people are awkward by nature.

We all have to work on our disposition on the ordinary days of life.

I attended a talk recently given by John Lonergan, Governor of Mountjoy Jail. Among his many gems re parenting, one was that any ol’ eejit could be a parent on the graduation days, on the day your child is captain of a sports team, on the day your child wins a competition. A true parent is there for the child when the guards call to tell of your child’s latest scape with the law. A true parent is there for life’s many disappointing days.

Many years ago at a training course, we were asked to write about a person who inspired us. Most people wrote about famous figures and why. I thought about this for a bit and wrote about a local handyman. He certainly was not famous. He certainly was not ‘wealthy’ or ‘accomplished’ in the traditional senses. He inspired me because he was truly happy with life. He had enough work from odd jobbing to live the life he wanted. He lived alone in a very small house, immaculately kept, with a beautifully cultivated vegetable garden. His grown up children really enjoyed his company and spent a lot of time with him. He maintained he wanted for nothing. I never encountered him in bad humour.

Tommy’s mantra is ‘My life rocks’. My mantra would be ‘Ordinary life rocks’

The Boomtown Rats sang of not liking Mondays. Why not love Mondays, and Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and … ?

Every one of them.

Written by Lily in: General, My family and ... other animals |
May
04
2009
2

Poetry Reading

I don’t need much practice, I’m good at it already. There’s only five weeks left to the Leaving Cert. and John wants me to ‘nag’ him to study. ‘Nagging’ you say – gosh I could nag for Ireland.

I am now nagging for the Leaving Cert.

John and the poet Elizabeth Bishop are spending this afternoon together. I’m sorting clothes and John calls me into his room. ‘Listen to this’, he says.


Filling Station

Oh, but it is dirty!
–this little filling station,
oil-soaked, oil-permeated
to a disturbing, over-all
black translucency.
Be careful with that match!

Father wears a dirty,
oil-soaked monkey suit
that cuts him under the arms,
and several quick and saucy
and greasy sons assist him
(it’s a family filling station),
all quite thoroughly dirty.

Do they live in the station?
It has a cement porch
behind the pumps, and on it
a set of crushed and grease-
impregnated wickerwork;
on the wicker sofa
a dirty dog, quite comfy.

Some comic books provide
the only note of color–
of certain color. They lie
upon a big dim doily
draping a taboret
(part of the set), beside
a big hirsute begonia.

Why the extraneous plant?
Why the taboret?
Why, oh why, the doily?
(Embroidered in daisy stitch
with marguerites, I think,
and heavy with gray crochet.)

Somebody embroidered the doily.
Somebody waters the plant,
or oils it, maybe. Somebody
arranges the rows of cans
so that they softly say:
ESSO–SO–SO–SO

to high-strung automobiles.
Somebody loves us all.

All spoken with great feeling. I ask for more and he reads two more poems.

I think every day should be a poetry reading day.

Now back to sorting the clothes …

Written by Lily in: My family and ... other animals |
May
01
2009
7

‘Of mice and men’

I have always loved baking. My single friends remember me baking brown bread when we shared a house, many years ago. (One of these friends is planning to start blogging, another outlier joining the blogosphere. I wish she would start because I am really looking forward to reading her posts.)

I tried to raise my children as best I could but it seems I raised thieves … for cake anyhow! They do get the produce of my baking endeavours but obviously not quite quickly enough for their liking.

In an earlier post I recounted calling into my mother-in-law who had just baked a cake. We joined her for a cup of tea but there was no cake, as the one just baked was for a cake sale. John, our very reliable baby, rescued the day. His pram was left (too) close by the cake. Nobody looking, said baby dug in, taking a handful from the middle of the cake, leaving a cake very unsuitable for a cake sale, but very suitable for us. Cake sale nil. Hungry relations one.

Here is John stealing testing yet another cake, this time at home.

My normal morning routine used to be up early, feed dogs, breakfast alone stretched out in front of the range, listening to Radio 1. Now I am multitasking in the morning. All same as before except except add in reading blogs on my laptop as I listen to Morning Ireland, while eating. Thursday morning I was reading a blog post of a friend of Patrick's and left a comment, including that I had better get off the internet and get baking, as I had to collect P coming in from the States that morning.

Baked cake. Collected Patrick. On arrival home asked him what would he like to eat, he said nothing as he was exhausted and going to go straight to bed. I asked not even cake, knowing it was his favourite. No he said.

Few minutes later after P gone, I noticed ...

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A mouse had struck again.

Today was decision day for American college entry. Middle mouse above aka John, has just signed up for Harvard. He starts in 16 weeks (I counted them) on 23rd August. Not many baking days left … for mice or men!

Written by Lily in: My family and ... other animals |

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